Sometimes I Look In A Mirror And Allow Myself To Be Surprised


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I was mad at my mirror, I was mad at my body, I was mad at my face. But mostly, I was mad at myself for wasting precious time looking at my reflection and hating it. At 24, I thought I was getting to the point in my life where I finally stopped disliking myself. But clearly this wasn't the case.

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It wasn't so much about not looking at myself as it was about not hating what I saw when I looked. Like I mentioned, this whole idea was started by the simple fact that I was unable to look at my reflection without tearing myself apart. That wasn't allowed to happen this week.

Only positive thoughts about my appearance! Then I generally throw it up into a messy bun and go on my way. It takes me approximately 45 minutes to get completely ready, makeup and all, on any given day.

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But on this day, it took me just 15 minutes to get ready. On my best days, I wear loose mineral powder, blush, and mascara. On this day, I attempted to do the same. Turns out that you CAN put on mascara without looking in a mirror. It's like trying to drive from memory instead of a GPS — terrifying yet totally doable. I was 30 minutes early to work. As I went through a day without looking in a mirror, I realized that it wasn't just mirrors that were allowing me to see my reflection.

It was my phone, my rearview mirror, my windows, and other people's sunglasses. I knew before starting this challenge that I looked at myself a lot throughout the day, but I quickly began to realize that seeing my reflection would be much harder than I had anticipated.

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After the challenge, when I allowed myself to look at my reflection again, I counted 37 times that I saw myself in a normal day. Imagine trying to avoid these 37 moments every day — it was hard. I felt like Mariah Carey asking myself, Why you so obsessed with yourself? It certainly wasn't my best year — it was a year filled with insecurities and lots of staring at my feet.

Somehow, by refusing to look at my reflection, I had been transported back in time to that awful, awkward stage of my life.


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I looked at my feet and the ground more times during this week than I have in the past four years. It was difficult for me to look people in the eyes.


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  8. Because I couldn't see myself, I had to rely on others to determine how I looked for the day. It didn't take me long to notice that my insecurities brought out insecurities in others. If I looked at my feet a lot or played with my hair too much, they started to do the same. We are dishonest by trade, so worrying about my own insecurities made others assume I was really just worrying about theirs.

    I felt insecure, shy, and I wanted nothing more than to just avoid people and avoid wondering what was crossing their minds as they looked at my face. As I mentioned, when I did speak with others, it was a lot of me playing with my hair and staring at my feet.

    Being/feeling ugly seems to be the source of all my problems

    So I began to just avoid seeing people altogether. It made things easier, and I felt more secure. It was inevitable in my mind, almost as if I knew I was going to cheat before I actually even cheated. I started getting ready for date night with my boyfriend.

    I got out of the shower and went straight to the mirror and pulled off the blanket. There I was, finally, looking back at myself. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes. Within, not without! Let go of everything you think you are, everything you know, and everything you think to be true — thoughts, ideas, beliefs, expectations, attachments, etc.

    Empty yourself of yourself. Make room in your heart for truth, love, and light. Look within. Think your own thoughts , create your own ideas, develop your own beliefs. Create your own rules. Listen to your inner voice and follow your intuition. Trust the messages of your heart. Rely on your own inner guidance, and by doing so, you will be free.

    By doing so, you will know how to live. Then, to your surprise, your manager asks to meet with you one afternoon to discuss your performance. After the meeting, you feel defeated and surprised because your manager isn't happy with your current level of performance. Or maybe it's time for your annual performance review , and your manager's marks don't resemble the same glowing marks you provided about your performance.

    These scenarios can happen to the best of us. When your workplace expectations differ from those of your bosses, it can cause stress and tension for all. Obviously, the easiest performance discussions are the ones where the manager and employee have similar perspectives on the employee's performance. However, it often happens that this is not the case. If this happens to you, consider the following tips on how to proceed or handle the situation when you might receive a poor performance review.

    Before entering the meeting, tell yourself that regardless of how the meeting goes, it's just a meeting about one individual's perspective of your performance.


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    Performance discussions are simply a way for you to receive information and feedback about how you're performing in a particular position within the company. It isn't an evaluation of your personal worth or how you would perform in a different position or with a different company. Don't take the feedback too personally. Instead, use the information as you see fit to improve at your job and interacting with co-workers. It's hard to admit that we might be struggling at work or that our performance isn't what we'd like for it to be.

    After having a heart to heart with yourself, get clear on whether or not there is validity in your manager's perspective. If there is, and you'd like to remain in your role, take action to improve. When receiving a poor work performance review, it can stir some emotions that can quickly surface. If this happens to you, do your best to take a deep breath and count to three before you react with an outburst that might make matters worse.

    It's best to take the time to listen to your manager's input and allow yourself a few days to process the information before reacting or responding.

    If you believe there is validity to your manager's points, ask for an improvement plan that outlines specific goals and objectives. Make sure you align with your manager on specific ways to improve your work performance. The goals and objectives should be specific and quantitative with a specified time in which to reach them — the more specific, the clearer it will be that you have met the goals as requested.

    Sometimes I Look In A Mirror And Allow Myself To Be Surprised Sometimes I Look In A Mirror And Allow Myself To Be Surprised
    Sometimes I Look In A Mirror And Allow Myself To Be Surprised Sometimes I Look In A Mirror And Allow Myself To Be Surprised
    Sometimes I Look In A Mirror And Allow Myself To Be Surprised Sometimes I Look In A Mirror And Allow Myself To Be Surprised
    Sometimes I Look In A Mirror And Allow Myself To Be Surprised Sometimes I Look In A Mirror And Allow Myself To Be Surprised
    Sometimes I Look In A Mirror And Allow Myself To Be Surprised Sometimes I Look In A Mirror And Allow Myself To Be Surprised
    Sometimes I Look In A Mirror And Allow Myself To Be Surprised Sometimes I Look In A Mirror And Allow Myself To Be Surprised
    Sometimes I Look In A Mirror And Allow Myself To Be Surprised Sometimes I Look In A Mirror And Allow Myself To Be Surprised

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